You start with sitting on a parapet wall staring at blinking yellow traffic lights and not saying a word for hours, despite the company. You like that you can connect without words. You go from writing diaries for years and suddenly stopping because you have pretty much stopped mulling over all the small qualms you have with people or anything in your life, because you have found this great friend who sat with you for hours not saying a word, silently telling you he will be there, wanting to know everything you think about(or so you thought). He becomes the first person who has ever heard the dreadful three words come out of your mouth. The first. When you thought you were probably not capable of ever saying it or expressing yourself. After all you'd never said it to your mom or dad or the sibling or anyone/anything else. You go from never to borderline chanting. So, slowly the magnanimity of life is ignored. Most everything you think about can be fit into a small box. You have moments when you regret that you let it happen, but you are somehow comforted knowing that it's a phase, and it too shall pass. Because you are happy and content, and you can mull over that for only so long. Because happiness CAN be a routine(as hard as it was to accept). You forget to consider what all that attention is doing to the other person. Then, one day you lose them. You resort to the written word, hope that you don't go back to becoming the person who had difficulty saying things out loud, but then again, you are not sure if you really hope that or not, because you don't know what works. So you live, and try not to think about it. Now you focus on the magnanimity again, and put the pursuit of Happiness to rest. The parapet walls can wait.
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