April

It is usually my month. I am in the best of spirits all month. Somehow not this time. Being part of the workforce kind of sucks, forces you to be pre-occupied. There is no time to go and sit at the turtle pond, or listen to that water fountain, or watch fat squirrels waddle and do yoga stretches (Austin squirrels are amazing like that) or pigeons walk.

But summer is here; I swim to eat and eat to swim!

Most of my free time goes in basking in the intellectual creativity of a beast by the name David Simon. There is so much room for introspection after each episode, that I am loving it. It takes my mind off a lot of things. After finishing the fourth season of The Wire (which delves into the broken inner-city school system of Baltimore and all other socio-political players involved. and oh this show stars TheYum #2), I was reminded of all the articles I read for my TFA application, and the reasons why I wanted to be part of the school system. I was reminded of the kids I met through SEEK. The number of documentaries I watched to understand the school system were countless. The nag to re-apply is back again. I will probably wait it out to see where the nag goes anyways. The first deadline is not until August.

Bleargh. 2011 is going to be the year of lots of travel and figuring out what-next with life. And thus adulthood prevails.

Not so spring-like

Three months now. I still go through all the cycles of utter despair, unending affection, cold distant apathy, and seething anger with such predictable frequency that I have become immune to these feelings. I have learned to turn a blind eye. But there are days I want to give in to these intense emotions and not put a brave face on. Today is one of those. To be alone in this is probably what makes it worse. Even good music fails to muffle the sounds.

I need a vacation.
I need a recluse.
I need memory loss.

One fine day I will stop staring at the horizon, see the sun rise, and close my eyes to bask in the first rays? or will I?